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Dear Jezebel: Your Sex Advice Column is STILL Crap

Jezebel’s new sex advice columnist is still absolute crap at giving advice.  Here’s my responses to the questions directed at “Slutever”.

Dear Slutever, I do not engage in any sexual activity unless my prospective partner and I both get full STD testing. In the past five years, not one woman that I dated agreed to this. Why are so many women against getting tested prior to sex?

Sincerely, Alan

Hi Alan,

While I agree with Slutever’s assertion that you should probably start presenting this in a different light to your dates (and using condoms!), I’m more concerned with your reasons behind this request.  Would you stop seeing someone if they tested positive for an STI?

As someone who has struggled with germ phobias, I would suggest that you engage the services of a therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy so that you can get past this particular quirk.  Condoms and dental dams, when used correctly, are extremely effective at preventing transmission of most STIs, and I suspect that you know this already.  So, before jumping into the sack with someone, even if they’ve shown you a clean bill of health, take care of yourself first and talk with a trained professional about your concerns.


I’ve been at war for the past three years but I’m coming back next week, and I really need to take my mind off things and want to lose myself in some self-love. I’m in a small town with little access to sex shops, so I was wondering if you had any unique ideas for sex toys I could fashion out of household items, or any tips that would help achieve a great orgasm experience. I really need something to get excited about!

Thanks, Steven

Hi Steven,

First of all, congratulations on finishing your tour of duty!  I really wouldn’t recommend fashioning your own sex toys or using things from your kitchen.  There are intricacies of the human anatomy that are better left to the experts.  Fortunately, although you live in a small town,  you can easily order masturbatory aids online that will be shipped to you in discreet packaging.  Smitten Kitten comes to mind immediately!  As for interesting sex toys, there are a plethora that you can choose from!  If you are interested in penatrative objects, there are items like the NJoy butt plugs, or vibrating butt plugs/perenium massagers.  If it tickles your fancy, you could also experiment a bit with sounding, though I can’t find any online retailers that I would wholeheartedly recommend.  For other masturbatory aids, there’s the ever popular fleshlight, and along the same lines, you can purchase a Tenga egg masturbation sleeve, or the slightly more elaborate Tenga 3D masturbation sleeves.

Just make sure you eat and drink plenty of fluids, use lubrication, and go out of the house every once in awhile during your “me time”.  It would be tragic to see a headline like “Soldier Starves to Death During Marathon Masturbation Session.”

I am a 31-year-old woman who has been married for 5 years. We still have frequent and awesome sex, but I have an issue that (oddly) seems to be getting worse with age. I orgasm way too quickly! And then I’m basically over sex. I’ve never had multiple orgasms, ever. I have one gigantic, eye-popping orgasm after about 3-5 minutes of intercourse and then I’m ready for sex to be over.  I’m constantly telling my husband to slow down or stop totally during sex so I can prolong it enough for him to get off too, but it’s getting to the point where he’s a little hurt that I can’t “hang on.”

Love, Caitlin

Hi Caitlin!

Much like last week’s column, I would recommend that you spend a lot more time on foreplay, concentrating on getting your husband close to orgasm.  It would also help if you talked about this outside of the bedroom, and make sure that he knows you are asking him to slow down or stop because you want him to enjoy sex too!  The numbing agents that Slutever recommended can help, but you also might have an adverse reaction to them.  I know a lot of women, personally, who find that creams or lubricants that are supposed to numb their genitals give them a burning sensation instead.

It is uncommon for a woman to orgasm that quickly, especially if there isn’t some sort of direct clitoral stimulation during intercourse!    A little more communication between you and your husband can really go a long way here.


I think this is going to be a regular post for Nice Girls, at least until Jezebel hires a better sex advice columnist.  Some of Slutever’s recommendations are downright dangerous or unhealthy, and I hope my responses provide a needed balance.  Let me know what you think in the comments!

The Nice Girl’s Guide to Fellatio

Ooh!  A saucy and sexy topic to start your Monday off right.  Today’s post is most definitely Not Safe For Work, so for those of you who read Nice Girls at work, you might want to either switch to your mobile device or hold off until you are at home to read this one! Read the rest of this entry

Your Questions: Answered!

For those of you who don’t know, WordPress gives bloggers the ability to look at a lot of the data associated with a blog that one owns.  The information that I find the most intriguing (and often hilarious) is the search terms that lead people to Nice Girls.  The searches are often in the form of a question.

After sharing a couple of these on twitter, I thought I would amuse myself by answering them here.  Hopefully you will find these as interesting as I do! Read the rest of this entry

Contraception: Condoms For Heterosexual Couples

Let’s start with the most basic form of contraception: condoms. Condoms are also referred to as prophylactics. The particular act of using a condom is also sometimes referred to as “The Barrier Method” of contraception.

There are two basic types of condoms: male and female. Male condoms are the most commonly available, but female condoms have all the same benefits as male condoms.

Effectiveness: STIs and Pregnancy

When used properly, condoms are 98% effective in preventing pregnancy. They are also the only form of birth control that offers any form of protection against STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections). The effectiveness varies against different STIs, but it ranges from 70% to 95%. For more information on the rates of effectiveness against specific STIs, go here: Latex Condom Effectiveness. They are the form of contraception that is easiest to obtain. One can find both male and female condoms at drugstores, convenience stores, grocery stores, and sex-specific stores.

How to Use

It is very important to use a condom properly. Improper use will dramatically reduce the effectiveness of the condom. Breakage and leaking are rare when the condom is used properly, but can occur. A water based lubricant can assist with the comfort of both types of condom. Silicone based lubricant will stay slick longer, but be sure that any lubricant used does not have any sort of an oil base (such as Vaseline). An oil-based lubricant will compromise the elasticity of the condom, and can cause breakage.

Male:  Male condoms are packaged individually in small packets. They are rolled up for easier application. For the best fit and most comfort, condoms should only be applied to a fully erect penis. They should also be applied by hands that have not been touching any seminal fluid. Unless the condom has ribbing, there should be no difference in the feeling of a penis with or without a condom.

To apply, the rolled up condom should be placed on the head of the penis, and then unrolled over the shaft. Care should be taken to ensure that there is ample room at the head of the penis for the seminal fluid after ejaculation. For the most effective removal, holding the base of the condom during withdrawal and removing the condom immediately is essential. Male condoms are only good for one use.

Female:  Female condoms are also packaged individually. They require a little more foresight and some practice to apply correctly. Female condoms have two individual rings, the smaller ring is placed on or near the cervix, and the other larger ring is placed near the outer lips of the vulva. Female condoms can also be successfully used for anal sex, with the smaller ring removed. Applying an additional form of lubricant is essential for this type of sex, as the anus does not produce any natural lubrication. As with the male condom, the female condom is one-use only, and should be removed immediately after sexual intercourse.

Condom Myths, and the Truth Revealed!

There are many myths related to condom usage. I’ll de-bunk a few here.

Double bagging”, or using two condoms instead of just one, increases the effectiveness of the condoms. Using two condoms causes increased friction, and will often cause the condoms to tear, thus compromising the effectiveness for preventing both pregnancy and STI transmission.
“I can’t feel anything with a condom!” or “Condoms feel like a raincoat!” This is an excuse given frequently to avoid using a condom. Sex with a condom is not the same as sex without one, but I can promise that your and your partner will still feel pleasure during the sex act.
“Condoms are unsexy and will ‘ruin the moment’!”.
If you’re worried about this, and you are the one wearing the condom, offer it to your partner to apply; if you are not the one wearing the condom, offer to apply it to your partner. There is nothing unsexy about sharing an intimate moment like this, and you’ll feel better afterward, knowing that you have dramatically reduced your chance of an unplanned pregnancy or an STI infection.
“Condoms never fit me!” Condoms come in a wide variety of sizes. If a particular condom size is too big or too small, there are other sizes to choose from. There are several videos online of people putting a condom on their heads (the one above the shoulders!), or sticking their entire fist and forearm into a condom. If there is no condom that is big enough for you or your partner to wear, then you may have other problems to worry about!

How to Choose a Condom

As you can see if you go to your local drug store, there are a lot of different types and brands of male condoms. There are big, medium, and small condoms. There are condoms that are regular, thin, and ultra thin. They may have ribbing on them. There are condoms with regular lubricant, spermicidal lubricant, warming lubricant, and lubricant that produces a numbing sensation to allow sex to last longer (please inform your partner if you are using a condom with either of the last two, as they can be an unpleasant surprise if your partner is not warned!). Female condoms may be a little more difficult to find, and I have personally only seen one brand. I encourage you to purchase a variety pack and experiment to find out which one you like the best.

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