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Vaginas Are Magic!

Wow, I completely dropped off of the face of the earth for awhile there, didn’t I? I could sit here at my computer and start making excuses, but we would all know that they’re excuses. My life has taken some crazy twists and turns, but I hope you all know how much I appreciate that you read the words I throw out into this gigantic void we call the internet. I’m sorry I’ve been gone so long. I hope we’re still friends.

I logged into my SurveyMonkey, and found a few really awesome questions that had been languishing there, and one that made me raise my eyebrows a little.

To the young man who sent me the same question in at least three different forums (YouTube comment, Google+ post, and through the SurveyMonkey) about his penis size: if your penis is actually the dimensions you are stating, you might have a real shot at candidacy for the Guinness Book of World Records. You would certainly have a lucrative career as a star in pornographic films, if you chose to pursue that as an option.  Quite frankly, I think you were exaggerating and you decided to send me a fantasy of yours. I can assure you, there are almost certainly other people on the internet who would love to read about it. If you enjoy writing fantasy of this nature, you may want to look for erotic literature sites that allow users to upload their own stories. I have a particular fondness for Literotica, myself.

Now on to the real questions!

Hi Suzanne! I am a 15 year old girl and my older sister recommended your blog since I am starting to get curious about my body and the changes I have already started going through. I usually have vaginal discharge throughout the month (I have a regular menstrual cycle and started getting my period at 13) and am not sure if I should be worried about it or not. Is discharge normal? p.s. I usually get discharge more often about a week or two before my period. The odor is also more potent during that time. The odor is kinda salty I guess? Not sure how to explain it. Thanks!

Hello my dear!

Let me start off by reassuring you that vaginal discharge is totally normal, and nothing to be worried about. In fact, when you start learning the reasons behind vaginal discharge, you might think it is actually pretty cool. I know I do, but it’s my job to think these things are really cool.

Female Reproductive System

 

Take a look at that image above.  Vaginal discharge is actually a mucus that is secreted by glands in the cervix.  Normal colors of this mucus are clear, white, and off-white.  It has several different functions, but it is primarily there to make sure that your vagina stays clean.  The discharge cleans out the dead bacteria, and keeps the vaginal canal moist and comfortable.  If you were to do a pH test, you’d find that the vaginal discharge is mildly acidic.  This helps prevent infections, and also helps keep the normally occurring bacteria at healthy levels.  The acidity also means that the mucus may discolor your underwear, especially black underwear.  I didn’t know that this was totally normal for the longest time, and I actually started wondering if there was something wrong with my vaginal discharge.

You’ve already noticed that there is a difference in your vaginal discharge throughout your menstrual cycle, and again, that is totally normal!  The mucus changes in consistency when a woman is ovulating, because the cervix is making sure that the vagina is as clean and healthy as possible when an egg is released.  As soon as you hit puberty and start menstruating (yes, even at 13!), your reproductive system works together to try and make sure that you always have the best of conditions to get pregnant if sperm is introduced into the vagina during this time.  I have always thought it was really interesting and, again, super cool, that our reproductive systems actually clean themselves.

There are a few things you can do to help make sure that your vagina stays healthy.  Wearing cotton underwear as your everyday underwear is probably the most helpful.  The fabric allows air to flow freely, and helps prevent a buildup of sweat and keep harmful bacteria from being introduced to your vagina.  There is evidence that eating yogurt with active cultures also helps keep the bacteria in your vaginal canal healthy and in balance.  Some women, especially those of older generations, will douche after their menstrual cycle.  Douching is forcing water and a cleanser into your vagina, and it is really really unhealthy.  Please don’t ever do this!  It can kill those naturally occurring bacteria, and will make you more susceptible to an infection.

If you feel self-conscious of the vaginal discharge, you might find that wearing a pantyliner on a regular basis will help you to feel more confident, but you should avoid the ones that are scented.  This goes for everything that goes anywhere near your vagina!  Using pantyliners, pads, or tampons that are perfumed can actually irritate the sensitive skin on your labia. You said you have noticed a difference in the smell of your vaginal discharge depending on the time of your menstrual cycle.  I promise, no one else has any idea that the smell is different.

If you find that your vaginal discharge changes in color or smell in a way that is unfamiliar, especially if you are sexually active, you should make an appointment to go see your doctor or gynecologist.  This can indicate an infection, and it should be treated as soon as possible.  Not treating an infection for an extended period of time can actually lead to serious complications, including making it impossible for you to ever get pregnant or have a baby.  I know you’re probably not thinking about getting pregnant right now, but making sure that things are always healthy will help you in the future!

Lastly, thank you so much for your question.  I hope my answer helped!

Do you have a question for me?  You can go here to ask me anything about sex and relationships, completely anonymously!

Tips for Acting Out Fantasies!

Tips for acting out a slightly taboo fantasy! Watch the whole video and comment below for a chance to win a copy of The Posh Girl’s Guide to Play by Alexis Lass.

Nice Girl Dishes Advice: Flirtation and Orgasms!

First advice requests!  Do you have a burning question?  You can ask me anything, completely anonymously, through this link.

Hello Nice Girl,

I am a young woman in my late twenties. I am friends with this couple, and I always enjoy spending time with them. I particularly enjoy spending time with the woman. I think she’s pretty awesome. They are in an open relationship.

The man in the couple is pretty flirty with me, and it makes me uncomfortable. I’ve never said anything to him or his girlfriend about it. I asked a mutual friend to help me handle it, and he said he didn’t know what to do so that friend asked another mutual friend. I’m not sure what else happened, because I haven’t talked to anyone else since then.

I know from your blog that you’re in an open relationship. Did I do the right thing?

Thanks.

Well, letter-writer, the short answer is no, I don’t think you did the right thing. I think you did the cowardly thing. You state in your letter that you haven’t said anything to either person in that couple, and that you brought other friends into the situation. That is really immature, and you might have ruined your friendship with that couple.

Preach on, Dita.

Preach on, Dita.

Everyone deals with rejection. Everyone. But you didn’t give this guy the ability to handle that rejection by talking to him, or even by talking to his girlfriend about the fact that you are uncomfortable. Instead, you chose to talk about him, behind his back, to a friend and that person has decided to talk to yet another friend. This is how reputation-damaging rumors start, even among adults.

I would suggest that the next time you are in a situation where you are not interested in someone and they are being flirty, you take some initiative, be assertive, and tell him or her that you are not interested. It isn’t easy, I know, but learning to deal with an uncomfortable situation is part of being an adult.

I’d be willing to bet that, had you talked to either person in that couple, they would have thanked you for your honesty and the flirting would have stopped immediately.

Assertively yours,
Nice Girl

Nice Girl,

I’ve never had an orgasm during sex, I only have them via clit stimulation (generally oral). I’ve never found my g-spot. After reading ’50 Shades of Grey’, it struck me how misled we are about it. We’re taught that, when we’re in the right moment, penetrative orgasms (generally multiples) happen naturally, and if they don’t, then there must be something wrong.

I have never had a penetrative orgasm (not for lack of trying), but find that I am still susceptible to the idea that there must be something wrong with me (when, logically, I know there’s not).

I was reading about the a-spot and my guy and I went on a hunt for it. I think he found it, but it just felt like I REALLY had to pee. I’ve heard that’s normal, but I found it more uncomfortable than pleasurable. Ideas? Suggestions?

For starters, letter-writer, and I want to stress this as much as possible, YOU ARE TOTALLY NORMAL. Only 11% of women ever experience a penetrative orgasm. Ever. The pervasive myth that women should immediately be multi-orgasmic just sets everyone up for disappointment and a sense of failure.

The vast majority of women only experience an orgasm through clitoral stimulation.

If orgasming during intercourse is something that is important to you and your partner (and if it is important to you, then it should also be important to your partner), then I would recommend he either stimulate your clitoris with his hands, or you can incorporate a vibrator during sex. I personally recommend trying something like a bullet vibrator, where you can vary the speed of the vibration if things get too intense or you need more stimulation. (By the way, if you purchase anything through that link, you’re helping to support Nice Girls! I’m now an affiliate with Good Vibrations. Go me!)

Of course, it is always harder for a woman to reach orgasm if she is stressed, so make sure that you’re not putting too much pressure on yourself. Anxiety is a major block for sexual pleasure.

As for the a-spot (and the g-spot), it is generally accepted that they are the internal extensions of the clitoris. It is also totally normal that you felt like you needed to pee, as your partner was probably also putting pressure on your bladder. The next time that you go hunting for pleasure centers inside your vagina, it is always a good idea to make sure that you have gone to the bathroom beforehand.

Pleasurably yours,
Nice Girl

What do you think of my advice?  Did I miss anything?  Let me know in the comments section!

Men and Women are Socialized to Communicate Differently!

Ask your significant other what they need from a conversation!

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