Talking dirty in bed is easier than you might think!
Whew. It’s been quite a month, hasn’t it? As much as I enjoy this season, I’m feeling relieved that the holidays are almost over.
I got this wonderful question in my Survey Monkey, and it’s an important one.
I read your blog about vaginal discharge and stuff. it helped me too cus I was having the same problem. here is my question: everyone was talking in school about whether they are virgins or not. they asked me and I just skipped the question. I am a virgin. should I lose my virginity just so people wont make fun of me for it. I think I am ready, but I don’t know if I should
I’m glad you enjoyed my previous post, my dear! I love hearing that I’ve helped someone.
I’m going to let you in on a little secret that people generally don’t find out about until much later in life: Virginity, meaning whether or not someone has had sexual intercourse, doesn’t matter at all. Really. No one is going to think differently of you when you’re an adult if you’ve never had sex. They aren’t going to think of you differently if you have had sex. It flat out doesn’t matter when you’re an adult. I can think of two people that I am friends with (one male, one female) who have never had sex. Both of them are in their mid-twenties. No big deal. Now, I know that doesn’t help you out right now, but it is something to think about.
The answer to your question is no, you should not lose your virginity just so people don’t make fun of you for it. You should only have sex when you actually want to do it. That previous sentence will be true for the rest of your life, not just about your first time, so let me say it again: You should only have sex when you actually want to have sex. If you feel pressure to have sex because you think your friends are all doing it, and that sounds like the case here, then you should wait. If your friends make fun of you for the fact that you haven’t had sex yet, then they aren’t very good friends. It’s okay to say that you aren’t interested in having sex, or that you want to be in a good relationship first, or even just that you don’t think you’re ready yet. All of those are valid reasons for waiting.
I know that in middle school or high school, it can seem like everyone else is “doing it”, but that isn’t actually the case. Some people have, some people are lying because they want to look cool or they think that other people will judge them for not having sex yet. In a study that was done a few years ago, they found that the average age that someone has sex for the first time (male or female) is 17.
There’s another thing to consider. You said that your friends were making fun of you for not having sex yet. Unfortunately, that doesn’t generally go away even if you do have sex. You’re at an age where everyone gossips about everyone else. People will probably talk about you and your sex life (or no sex life), if you and/or your partner are talking to other people about it, no matter what you do. Teenagers and adolescents can be mean. Try to not let the opinions of other people, even your friends, make you decide to do something if you aren’t comfortable with it.
If you and your partner want to have sex, then go for it. Have fun, and be sure to use barrier contraception. You can go to that link to find my blog post about barrier methods for heterosexual (male and female) couples and learn about condoms. You should always use a condom, especially for your first time. You can go to this link to learn about how to have safer sex with another female (and these safer sex practices also apply to heterosexual sex too! Especially using a dental dam!). You should make sure that your partner respects you, likes you (maybe even loves you), and isn’t pressuring you to have sex before you’re ready.
Sex of any kind will pretty much always be awkward the first time. And yes, I mean every kind of sex. Oral sex (giving a blowjob, more properly called fellatio; or “going down” on a girl, more properly called cunnilingus) is still sex, giving someone a “handjob” or “fingering” is still sex, and anal sex is still sex too. It is so important to know that it’ll be weird: your bodies will make strange noises, there are new smells, putting on a condom is generally awkward (please stock up, and read the instructions!), and if you still have your hymen then it might be a little painful too. Having a partner who you care about and who cares about you will make it more fun than awkward.
I’m not saying this to scare you, or to try and make you not want to have sex, but to give you as much information as I possibly can in a short blog post. Get some books and read about sex. I can recommend S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-To-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College. It is a great book with a LOT of information (and if you buy it through that link, then you help me make some money!). If you feel comfortable, talking to the school nurse might help too.
I can’t tell you when to have sex. Only you know when you’re ready. But I can tell you that you shouldn’t do it if you are looking to avoid being teased, or to make your friends happy, or even to make your partner happy. You should only have sex when you want to do it. I really hope this post has helped you.
Do you have a question about sex or relationships? You can go here to ask me anything, completely anonymously!
Hello again, dear friends! Before I jump into this review, it is absolutely vital that you all know about this awesome sale that Good Vibrations is having right now! Have you ever used a Magic Wand, and wished that you could get the same strong vibrations, but without the cord? You are in luck, you sassy minx, because Good Vibrations is not only dropping the price on their Mystic Wand, but they are also throwing in one of their brand new g-spot vibrators into the deal! This deal is only going to last through Monday, November 18th, 2013, so don’t think twice, click that link and get one!
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! Because I am an affiliate marketer with Good Vibrations, by purchasing items through the links in this blog post you are directly supporting my work here on Nice Girls Like Sex Too. So not only are you getting yourself a super fun new toy, but you’re making sure I can continue writing and producing my YouTube videos. Win/win, don’t you think?
As you may know already, I have mostly converted my blog format to YouTube. Sadly, it appears that the Powers That Be™ at YouTube find videos with sex toys to be offensive, and with my new partnership with Good Vibrations, I have the awesome opportunity to review new toys! You’ll just have to imagine my dulcet tones as you read my reviews.
I was so excited when I opened my first box and found this inside! This is the Slender G Waterproof Vibrator.
I devoured the information on the box, and was pleased to see that not only is this toy 100% phthalate free, but it is also latex free! I have several friends with latex allergies, and this can be a major problem when it comes to sex toys. I was also pretty excited to see that it can be used with any kind of lube. The plastic is completely smooth, but it has a soft feel to it, not a hard plasticky feel. I *might* have waved it around a bit in the kitchen and unnerved a couple of my housemates.
And then, I was immediately a little intimidated. You see, until I received this one, I had never owned or used a g-spot vibrator. Sure, I know how they’re supposed to work and how to use one, but knowing isn’t the same as putting that information to practice. I mean, I understand the physics and engineering of a bicycle, but that isn’t the same as riding one, right? It sat on my bookshelf for a week or so, and I felt a little guilty each time it caught my eye. Fiance started nudging me a little about it. “Hey, this thing is still here. You can’t review it until you actually try it!” I would duck my head a little, and promise that I would eventually get around to using it.
My life has had a couple of interesting twists in it lately, so actually setting aside the time to properly give it a go was more difficult than I had originally anticipated. Finally, I found myself with a couple of extra hours and some sexual excitement to work off. Nothing was going to stop me now! I dug out two AA batteries, and had some fun changing the intensity of the vibrations as I held it. I inspected the o-ring that makes the vibrator waterproof. I even dunked it in my glass of water and giggled at the sound. In what may have been a bad idea, I decided to forgo my usual routine of reading erotica. Instead, I mentally queued up my favorite fantasy, and decided to see if I could achieve an orgasm with just the g-spot vibrator. This is masturbation on expert mode. Then I laid down and got to work.
This vibrator is noticeably longer than other g-spot vibrators, and so I found it to be a little ergonomically challenging. The multi-speed dial was disconcertingly loud as it vibrated with the toy. I had to keep a finger pressed down on the dial so that my activities wouldn’t be apparent to my housemates as they walked by. Aside from the dial, this toy was reasonably quiet. As someone who had never used a g-spot vibrator before, it took some serious maneuvering to finally get the head in a position where it started to feel good.
I then spent the next hour and a half teetering on the edge of orgasm. I tried increasing or decreasing the vibration speed, and… nothing. I have never masturbated that long without reaching climax, and I was starting to feel a little frustrated. That particular fantasy had never failed me, and I knew that I was really REALLY close to orgasm, but it remained juuuuust out of reach, even when I gave in and tried some clitoral stimulation in addition to the vibrator.
I became gradually aware of an odd smell. *sniff* “What on Earth is that?” I asked myself aloud. *sniff* “Hmm, it smells like something is burning…” I decided to get up and do a little investigating. I moved the blanket aside, and discovered that the mystery smell was actually coming from my crotch. Yes, you read that right. I opened up the vibrator and the smell became stronger.
I actually managed to burn out the motor by keeping it on high, and keeping myself on the edge of orgasm for 90 minutes straight! Of course, I had to take a funny snapchat and send it to a couple of friends!
Now, I admit, I was more than a little frustrated when I sent that, and I don’t really think that g-spot vibrators are “not for me”. To be honest, I am seriously impressed by the stamina of this little toy. I really put it through its paces, and although I didn’t reach orgasm, I am fully aware that I specifically made it as difficult for myself as possible. And at $20, it is a serious bargain.
Despite my personal experience, overall, I definitely recommend the Slender G Waterproof Vibrator!
Talking dirty in bed is easier than you might think!
Tips for acting out a slightly taboo fantasy! Watch the whole video and comment below for a chance to win a copy of The Posh Girl’s Guide to Play by Alexis Lass.
Want to win some lube? Watch the video to find out how!
Today marks the second year that I have been doing Nice Girls.
I have experienced wild highs and some lows in the past two years, and I’ve shared most of them with you. I’ve nearly quit doing this at least half a dozen times. I couldn’t be happier that I am still here, that I am still producing content for you, my lovely readers/watchers.
I am so honored and humbled at the stories that some of you have shared. I always feel a little thrill when someone tells me that my writing or my videos has meant something to them. I can’t believe the wild ride that we’ve been on together, and I have so many exciting things to share with you all in the upcoming months.
Here’s to many more years.
Female Sexual Education is not “inappropriate”, YouTube.
This is not a typical post for my blog, but it is something that has been affecting my life and the lives of those around me recently. Let’s talk about depression.
Depression (and mental illnesses in general) is a genetic joke. There are studies upon studies relating creativity, intelligence, and mental issues. Pretty much any incredibly talented artist you can think of suffered from some sort of mental illness. There shouldn’t be any shame related to it.
Unfortunately, many people feel shame about their mental illnesses. I know that I often feel ashamed of mine. I find myself thinking, “you have this amazing opportunity to do something that you love, you live in an amazing city, you have awesome friends, and your fiancé is loving and supportive. You have everything that you need and pretty much anything you want, so why do you feel shitty? You know that there are people out there with REAL problems, right?” and on and on and on. All that shame, negative self-talk, and personal berating only serves to make myself feel worse and makes getting back to normal even more difficult. It is ten times worse when someone else says these things that I find myself thinking.
I have suffered from depression, off and on, for pretty much as long as I can remember. In the tumultuous life that I have lead, depression has been one of the few constants in my life.
When I was dealing with the death of my biological mother at the age of eleven, despite being in therapy, I was depressed and suicidal. I was better for a few years, but high school was particularly hard. I honestly thought that everyone around me had their entire lives figured out already, and I was in a constant state of panic that I hadn’t chosen a career path yet. I was fourteen years old, and I was stressed, anxiety ridden, and depressed.
My mental stresses manifested themselves in several physical ways. I barely slept at night. I would sleep for 30 minutes, and then be awake for an hour and a half, sleep ten minutes, be awake for forty-five minutes. The sleep I did manage to snatch from my overloaded brain was not restful, as I was grinding my teeth and having disturbing nightmares. I managed to grind my teeth so hard that the plate of cartilage between my jaw and skull slipped forward, and prevented me from opening my mouth fully. I had to go to a specialist, get a night guard, and take Valium in order to actually get some rest. I am terrified at the fondness I still feel towards an opiate.
This may come as a shock to my friends at the time, but I was also severely bulimic. In general, I would eat the bag of chips in my packed lunch, throw the rest away, and drink as much water as possible so that they would soften in my stomach, and come up easier. I spent a minimum of 45 minutes in the bathroom after dinner, hoping and praying that no one would hear me as I tried to rid my stomach of all the food I had ingested with my family. I was so severely dehydrated that I would faint from time to time, especially after gym class. The scars on my knuckles have mostly faded, but I fear that I may have done irreparable damage to my metabolism.
I also developed some OCD-like behaviors. I would find myself counting people, or specific things in a room, and unable to stop. There were certain things in my life that absolutely had to be a certain way, or I was convinced some unspeakable horror would occur. I plucked my own body hair: legs, armpits, pubic region, eyelashes. I couldn’t stop.
During my adult life, my depression has taken a few different twists and turns. I found my OCD behaviors moving towards a fear of germs, especially when raw meat was concerned. I would almost hyperventilate while walking in the meat section of the grocery store. I had a particularly bad episode when I had to cook a Thanksgiving turkey. I stood in front of the refrigerator, crying, because I couldn’t bring myself to touch the raw turkey. My hair plucking moved to skin picking, and I still have a very difficult time leaving a blemish or a scab to heal naturally.
I have been suicidal. I have considered the probability of dying with minimal pain by walking into traffic, crashing my car into a cement barrier, taking too many painkillers, using a knife on my own wrists, and, of course, simply wasting away by not eating.
I have been through all of these things. I am just now pulling out of a nine month struggle with some pretty severe depression. I still have bad days, days where I just want to sit in bed or on my computer, eat nothing, produce nothing, and feel nothing. I have wonderful days where I am ready to take on the world, and I get a lot of things done. I hope this explains the sporadic nature of my blog updates in the past few months. Thankfully, with the help of my fiance and my dear friends, I was able to catch myself before I reached the suicidal thoughts stage.
I like to compare getting back to “normal” during a depressive episode to attempting to hike up a hill that is covered in gravel. It is mentally and physically exhausting. It can help to have a walking stick (anti-depression drugs), or a guide (therapist), but sometimes you have to make the journey on your own. Sometimes you slip and fall, and you end up sliding back down to the bottom. If you already know the way up, and you have accepted that sometimes you are going to slide back down, you’ll have an easier time of it and you’re less likely to quit out of frustration. I slide around a bit, and sometimes I end up riding on my butt all the way back down the hill, but I always get up, dust myself off, and try again. It is the only way to get back to feeling like myself. The struggle and the bruises are always worth the time and effort.
I am not a trained therapist nor am I a counselor. I have no education or background in helping someone with depression or suicidal thoughts. I do, however, have a sympathetic ear. I can commiserate with how difficult it is to feel like something is wrong, and to not be able to put a finger on the problem, let alone know where to begin to fix it. I can help find a therapist, or tell silly stories for a laugh.
I am heartbroken each time I hear about a friend who is dealing with the suicide of someone they love. And the person who is gone is always loved. Always. Suicide means that those who are left behind are plagued with thoughts of “What could I have done? How could I not know? I don’t understand.” I think that the grieving process is especially hard when someone commits suicide, because it wasn’t a natural death.
Next week (September 8-14th) is National Suicide Prevention Week in the US. If you or someone that you love is suicidal, there is free help available. You can call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) to be connected to a counselor in your area, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It sounds trite, but suicide is a permanent solution to what may be a short-term problem, and it leaves waves of devastation in its wake. You are loved. Don’t give up.
Ask your significant other what they need from a conversation!