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Dear Jezebel: Your Sex Advice Column is STILL Crap

Jezebel’s new sex advice columnist is still absolute crap at giving advice.  Here’s my responses to the questions directed at “Slutever”.

Dear Slutever, I do not engage in any sexual activity unless my prospective partner and I both get full STD testing. In the past five years, not one woman that I dated agreed to this. Why are so many women against getting tested prior to sex?

Sincerely, Alan

Hi Alan,

While I agree with Slutever’s assertion that you should probably start presenting this in a different light to your dates (and using condoms!), I’m more concerned with your reasons behind this request.  Would you stop seeing someone if they tested positive for an STI?

As someone who has struggled with germ phobias, I would suggest that you engage the services of a therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy so that you can get past this particular quirk.  Condoms and dental dams, when used correctly, are extremely effective at preventing transmission of most STIs, and I suspect that you know this already.  So, before jumping into the sack with someone, even if they’ve shown you a clean bill of health, take care of yourself first and talk with a trained professional about your concerns.

 

I’ve been at war for the past three years but I’m coming back next week, and I really need to take my mind off things and want to lose myself in some self-love. I’m in a small town with little access to sex shops, so I was wondering if you had any unique ideas for sex toys I could fashion out of household items, or any tips that would help achieve a great orgasm experience. I really need something to get excited about!

Thanks, Steven



Hi Steven,

First of all, congratulations on finishing your tour of duty!  I really wouldn’t recommend fashioning your own sex toys or using things from your kitchen.  There are intricacies of the human anatomy that are better left to the experts.  Fortunately, although you live in a small town,  you can easily order masturbatory aids online that will be shipped to you in discreet packaging.  Smitten Kitten comes to mind immediately!  As for interesting sex toys, there are a plethora that you can choose from!  If you are interested in penatrative objects, there are items like the NJoy butt plugs, or vibrating butt plugs/perenium massagers.  If it tickles your fancy, you could also experiment a bit with sounding, though I can’t find any online retailers that I would wholeheartedly recommend.  For other masturbatory aids, there’s the ever popular fleshlight, and along the same lines, you can purchase a Tenga egg masturbation sleeve, or the slightly more elaborate Tenga 3D masturbation sleeves.

Just make sure you eat and drink plenty of fluids, use lubrication, and go out of the house every once in awhile during your “me time”.  It would be tragic to see a headline like “Soldier Starves to Death During Marathon Masturbation Session.”



I am a 31-year-old woman who has been married for 5 years. We still have frequent and awesome sex, but I have an issue that (oddly) seems to be getting worse with age. I orgasm way too quickly! And then I’m basically over sex. I’ve never had multiple orgasms, ever. I have one gigantic, eye-popping orgasm after about 3-5 minutes of intercourse and then I’m ready for sex to be over.  I’m constantly telling my husband to slow down or stop totally during sex so I can prolong it enough for him to get off too, but it’s getting to the point where he’s a little hurt that I can’t “hang on.”

Love, Caitlin

Hi Caitlin!

Much like last week’s column, I would recommend that you spend a lot more time on foreplay, concentrating on getting your husband close to orgasm.  It would also help if you talked about this outside of the bedroom, and make sure that he knows you are asking him to slow down or stop because you want him to enjoy sex too!  The numbing agents that Slutever recommended can help, but you also might have an adverse reaction to them.  I know a lot of women, personally, who find that creams or lubricants that are supposed to numb their genitals give them a burning sensation instead.

It is uncommon for a woman to orgasm that quickly, especially if there isn’t some sort of direct clitoral stimulation during intercourse!    A little more communication between you and your husband can really go a long way here.

 

I think this is going to be a regular post for Nice Girls, at least until Jezebel hires a better sex advice columnist.  Some of Slutever’s recommendations are downright dangerous or unhealthy, and I hope my responses provide a needed balance.  Let me know what you think in the comments!

Sex Positivism In Medicine

It looks like medical professionals are getting on the sex-positive bandwagon, and it’s about time.

Yesterday, the American Association of Pediatrics recommended that pediatricians give their young female patients advance prescriptions for Plan B.  For those of you outside the US, if you are under 18, you cannot get Plan B over the counter, and need a prescription.  Plan B has been available over the counter for those 18 and over for about a year now.

The FDA originally decided that it should be available over the counter to everyone, regardless of age, but Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius overruled the FDA’s decision because of her doubts that young women under 18 would use it properly.  This is despite Plan B being safer to use than aspirin or ibuprofen, especially since it is impossible to overdose on Plan B.

This comes one week after the American College of OB/GYNs has recommended that hormonal birth control pills be available for everyone over the counter, just like condoms.  I can’t tell you how excited this makes me.  It is so important that young women have access to things like this, so they can engage in healthy sexual activity without fear of parental judgement, pregnancy, or the heartbreaking choice of abortion.

With studies showing that teenagers in the US have less sex than teenagers in other first world countries, but are getting pregnant more often, access to emergency birth control in conjunction with comprehensive sex education could help that pregnancy rate continue to decline.

My First Planned Parenthood Experience: Part 2

You can find Part 1 of my Planned Parenthood Experience here.  I was nervous when I woke up on the morning of my appointment.  Bleary-eyed, I put on clothes, kissed the still sleeping Boyfriend goodbye, and headed to the car.

I entered the office and checked myself in with the front desk.  After filling out some information regarding my current sexual activity, my income, and my sexual health history, I handed the clipboard in and watched Say Anything as I waited.

There was a group of three young women behind me, and they were discussing birth control options as they too were waiting to be seen.  My ears perked up when one of them mentioned that she was considering getting an IUD.  As readers of this blog are fully aware, I am a HUGE fan of IUDs, and I took the opportunity to share my experiences with it, and some of the awesome statistics.

After a short period of time, I was called into the back room, and had a chat with one of the attending nurses.  She explained that, due to my symptoms and the length of time since my last pap smear, I was going to have a full pelvic exam and a full STI screening.  She also explained that the state of California has an awesome program to help people with limited income to receive sexual health care for free, and even with my new job, I qualified.

The STI screening started right there in that tiny office with a prick of my middle finger.  This particular test was to screen if I had been exposed to HIV, and amazingly, I would have the results of that test by the end of my appointment.  I was blown away by this fantastic advance in HIV screening.

I went into the exam room after giving a urine sample, undressed my lower half, and waited again.  When the doctor came in, she was very communicative and explained everything before she started examining me.  She took three samples from my cervix, examined the positioning of my IUD (still in place!), and checked that my uterus and ovaries were not swollen.  Before she moved her hands, placed the speculum, or swabbed, she was sure to tell me exactly what she was about to do.  This definitely put my mind at ease, and kept me from jumping or starting when anything changed.

When she was done, she took one of the samples to their in-house lab, and checked it all out.  Apparently, I had a bacterial infection that may have been the cause of the bleeding, and she handed me a prescription antibiotic.  Then she told me that Planned Parenthood would call me if any of the other STI tests came back positive, but only if they were positive.

Unfortunately, I did receive one of those calls.  My pap smear came back with some abnormalities.  At some point in the past 10 years, I was exposed to HPV.  The tiny sample that was taken was not enough to determine if I have one of the more benign forms, or if it is one of the types that can lead to cervical cancer.  So, I have yet another appointment set to get some biopsies done.

I’ll have a post up on Wednesday, discussing HPV.  I’ve gotten to know my STI a lot better since the diagnosis.

Contraception: Abortion

Abortion is a topic that is always tricky to discuss.  Conversations tend to be loaded with misconceptions and intense emotional feelings can override intelligent discourse.

RU-486

This pill is a little more controversial than the previously discussed morning after pill. The brand name is Mifeprex, and unlike the morning after pill, it is an abortifacient. It is an alternative to the more invasive surgical abortion.

Mifeprex can be taken after a positive pregnancy test to chemically abort the fetus, but it can only be taken up to 49 days after the first day of your previous period. Its active ingredient is a steroid that works to block the hormone progesterone. Without the progesterone, the uterine lining will start to break down and shed, just like in a normal period. Mifeprex is often taken in conjunction with a chemical that will help your cervix open and allow the tissue to shed.

Mifeprex cannot be taken without a prescription, and it requires at least one follow-up visit to your doctor to ensure that the pill worked correctly. It causes heavy bleeding and cramping, but any other side effects should be immediately discussed with a doctor.

Abortion

Thanks to the landmark case of Roe v. Wade in 1973, women in the US are able to legally receive an abortion to terminate an unwanted pregnancy. There remains a lot of controversy over this decision, and there are new court cases challenging the legality of this case all the time.

According to Wikipedia, an abortion is defined as the termination of pregnancy by the removal or expulsion from the uterus of a fetus or embryo prior to viability. This means that the fetus or embryo is not developed enough to survive outside of the womb. I recommend looking at the Wikipedia page for descriptions on how abortions work, because there are too many ways for me to explain them all here.

I personally believe in the right of a woman to choose whether or not she wants to carry a pregnancy to term. Before Roe v. Wade, there were women getting abortions from people who were not licensed to practice medicine, and in unsafe and unsanitary conditions.

These things still happen in areas that do not legally allow abortion. Due to unsanitary conditions or the lack of medical knowledge by the person providing the abortion, many women die due to sepsis or hemorrhaging of their uterus.

Despite any moral or religious objections regarding abortion, surely everyone can agree that if a woman is seeking to terminate a pregnancy, she should have access to a trained doctor who will perform the surgery in a clean and antiseptic environment, right?

Contraception: The “Morning After” Pill

Hopefully you will never be in a situation where you need to think about emergency contraception. But if you miss a pill, or the condom breaks, or you were raped, it is your best bet to avoid an unwanted pregnancy. While the copper IUD (brand name: Paragard) can also be used as emergency contraception, I am going to focus on the types of contraception I have not previously discussed. Read the rest of this entry

Thursday Links, And Facebook Hates Recreational Contraception

If this is how we're seen, how can we win?

Amina Filali, Morocco Rape Victim, Commits Suicide After Forced Marriage To Rapist

Lawmaker Suggests Beaten Ladies Remember the Good Times

Law Will Allow Employers to Fire Women for Using Whore Pills

That last link provides a great segue into a problem I had recently with Facebook.  I am running ad campaigns to increase my readership, and tried to create an ad that used my recent IUD post as the link.  Facebook denied the ad.  I said much more salacious and controversial things in my Rush Limbaugh post, which also addressed contraception, and was allowed to run.

The main difference between the two forms of contraception?  The Birth Control Pill can ostensibly be taken to relieve several problems that plague women during puberty and during menstruation. Paragard IUD, which was directly referenced in the tagline of the ad, “I love my Paragard!” offers no benefits other than not allowing me to get pregnant.  That’s it.  There’s no hormones, no benefits other than never worrying about whether or not my uterus will suddenly have a passenger.

Clearly, Facebook outright refuses to be seen to encourage sex without consequences.  Someone in their advertising oversight department, deep down, agrees with Rush Limbaugh and thinks that women should stop having so much sex, and should suffer life-altering consequences if they dare to continue in their whorish ways.

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