The Man Box (or rather, the “Be a Man” box, since nothing in that box is actually Manly) is a feminist-type label that I would have scoffed at straight off, if it hadn’t come from the mouth of a man. I’ll admit that this made me listen so that I got his point: it’s the “Be a Man” recipe. These are cowardly, abusive traits. They make ogres, not men. These are the kind of traits that too many feminists who are the victims of ogres want to fit all men into.

I never much cared for the Be a Man Box, so, being a Geek I didn’t adopt it, at first. But I was bullied for this by boys who built their world around it. Then I learned to fit myself into some of it.

Interestingly, my father’s role in this was tacit. He was a reticent man, I trait I found increasingly frustrating as a teen. He didn’t show open emotion often, although he would say “I’m angry” or “I’m upset/happy” and he laughed out loud a lot. But he was always caring and a great listener, and when he did say something, it was Golden. Certainly not abusive, he always supported my Mum in everything, so I had a pretty good role model there.

I on the other hand was a hot-headed teen who shot his mouth off all the time. So any Man Box traits I have, I got from my peers or by being an untamed youth. It makes puts me at a loss for how to break this cycle as a father?

Now I am happily married and the father of three lovely boys, 7, 2 and 1. I wish for them to be free of this Macho stigma too, and it should to start with me. The trouble is, I’m still in the Box. No, I don’t objectify women (at least, I believe I don’t) but all the caged emotion and self control (if you mustn’t control women, at least control yourself damn it) plays out in my reactions. I certainly don’t have a lot of tollerence for crying fits, and that bit about telling his son to calm down, go to your room and come back when you can talk like a man (I would say “sensibly” but mean the same, at least subconcsiously) certainly rang true.

I suppose fathers need two things, which happily their wives can provide: 1) support to come out of the Box safely and 2) help on how to act and react out of the Box. Women should probably be aware: the fear of leaving the Box is the same for a grown man as for the little boy who shut himself in there years ago, and his skills at dealing with the world without it are just as developed now as they were then.

I have heard that opening up is the key to a great relationship with your wife too, with benefits that should be enough on their own to motivate men who are not fathers as well

http://thethingsiseeuphere.com/2013/02/24/the-award-winning-story/.

Cheers.

I have to admit, even when (I would even dare say especially when) I was single, Valentine’s Day was my second-favorite holiday, and seeing your list of things to do with single friends reminds me of why. There are things I’d want to do on the list, but being taken, it would be hard to do.

As for me, I’m recreating Paris at home. Plans are in the works, but for sure there will be a Picnic with french bread and an assortment of cheeses, a glass of wine, lots of lights, and a model of the Eiffel Tower that I made out of cardboard and wrapping paper. And, of course, a beret atop my head.

Hope you have a great Valentine’s Day!

In fact, I would even go on to give that guy a standing ovation for taking such an interest in his health and insisting that his partners do, too. I would argue that a majority of the population don’t think once, let alone twice, about potential health risks when they snog or bed someone new, so it’s refreshing to hear about someone who takes that seriously.

They should at least be consistent and force people to dress their pets if nudity is the issue

Rohan.