Category Archives: Comments and Replies

Dear Jezebel, Your New Sex Advice Column is Crap

Jezebel introduced a new columnist yesterday.  Karley Sciortino, aka “slutever” has published her first column, and honestly, I can’t tell if this is satire or not (if it is, it is poorly done), so I’m going to go ahead and write my own answers to the questions posted.

I’m a 26-year-old European exchange student currently studying in the US for five months. I have a (relatively new) boyfriend back home who I’m totally into, and before I left we agreed to be monogamous. But now I have a dilemma: I love Chatroulette, and I usually skip over the random masturbating men, but recently I’ve been fantasizing about not skipping over the dicks and engaging in some hot, anonymous Chatroulette-cybersex. Would that be cheating? I want to think not, but I also realize it’s different than porn — it’s an actual sexual interaction with another human being. My boyfriend and I Skype sometimes, but it hasn’t turned into Skype-sex. And besides, the fantasy is more about the anonymity of it. So: cheating or not-cheating?

–G

While my personal inclination leans towards “not cheating”, your long-distance boyfriend may have a different opinion.  Tell him about your fantasy, G.  Who knows, he might also find the idea hot, and he might try to be the person that you have hot, anonymous Chatroulette-cybersex with!  A supportive partner should try to help you fulfill your fantasies, especially when you are trying to make a long-distance relationship work.

I would caution you to make sure that your face and any other identifying characteristics are hidden from view if you do engage in anonymous cybersex.  Protect yourself, just as you would if you were engaging in real-world sexual activity.  Like some STIs, images on the internet are forever, and can come back to haunt you at the most inopportune times.

Ever since I started having sex I’ve always shaved my vagina without even thinking about it. It may look a bit nicer, but it’s a pain in the ass having to plan ahead and make sure you’re pristinely smooth every time there’s the possibility of sex. I don’t know if I’d like it grown out, but I think I want to try it. But I’m terrified the guy I’m sleeping with will freak out! It’s my body so I can do whatever with it, but should I tell/ask him about it before the experiment begins? Where do you stand on the ‘to shave or not to shave’ debate?

-Reba

Hopefully your partner likes you for more than your pubic hair grooming habits, Reba.  Any guy who actually freaks out at the sight of the perfectly natural hair between your legs has probably not had much experience with women, and may have some maturity issues.  It’s your hair, and while your partner may offer input about his preference, it is ultimately your decision.  Pretty much every partner I’ve had has expressed the opinion that they are fine with pubic hair, but they would like it if I keep the area trimmed.  I bought a $10 trimmer from my local big chain drugstore, and have used that ever since.

Dear Slutever, I am a 26-year-old boy, and though I’m not a virgin, I am terribly inexperienced. I’ve recently started seeing a girl (yay!), however I’ve been having a little ejaculation problem. The problem isn’t that I cum too quickly, but rather that I stay hard all night and can’t ejaculate! It’s no problem for me to get hard, and stay hard, but it just requires too much mentally and physically for me to reach the point of orgasm. Am I not emotionally connecting? Is my problem psychological? Should I find some way to ‘sensitize’ myself?

Yours,
M

I’m interested to find out your masturbation habits, M.  If you are the kind of person who masturbates frequently, you might want to hold off on that until you find that you are able to orgasm more easily.  You and your partner should also try doing more foreplay before penetrative sex.  Kissing, fondling, oral sex, and mutual masturbation are all ways that you can get your motor revving and ready to go before sex, and you may find that the increase in stimulation will make it easier to orgasm during sex.  Just make sure that she also reaches climax!

 

What do you think, readers?  How did I do in comparison to the writer on Jezebel?

Comments and Replies

I asked for some assistance from my readers on Wednesday.  I want to create a primer for girls to teach them how to be more assertive in expressing their interest directly to someone they are attracted to.  I received two comments, but only one of the comments was approved to post, as the other also included some insults directed at me.  You will see the entire non-posted comment below, as I respond to each sentiment.

I found the two responses that were posted here on the blog to be fascinating for various reasons.  Both of the comments were posted by men; I didn’t get any feedback at all from my female readers.  Both comments also recommended that the hypothetical girl in question remain passively flirtatious while the (assumed) man does all of the assertive behavior.  However, Dan, the author of the comment that was approved discussed his shyness, and he asked for some feedback and advice.  The comment that was not approved was rather misogynistic, to be honest, and I don’t think Tom, the author of the unapproved comment, realized that I was asking for advice for girls in general, not for myself.

For romance and dating.

http://www.moviediva.com/MD_root/MDimages/Copy_of_dee.jpg

Find a male who you find attractive. Give them the coy come hither look to draw them in. Men mostly like to make the first move and you are attracted to super social attractive band members so your standards are very high, but that doesn’t mean you can’t chose the guys you like and help them make the first move.

My anecdote at the beginning of Wednesday’s blog was to illustrate how girls are socialized to be passive about expressing any desires, and I asked for advice on how to change that.  Giving a “coy come hither look” is not an assertive behavior.  Based on the approved comment by Dan, not all guys like to make the first move, and I know from personal experience that there are some wonderful men who are relieved when a girl is blunt about expressing interest.  Why play games and be coy, when these signals can be overlooked or misinterpreted?

Touch your hair, giggle at their jokes, act weak and defenseless and vulnerable as above. Once you’re with them drink or eat with them, dress promiscuously, and touch them lots.

If you’re thin and have acceptable looks getting sex from a male doesn’t require any skills or special articles on how to do it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa there, Tom.  For starters, acting weak, defenseless, and vulnerable are not assertive behaviors, and these suggestions, along with the advice to dress promiscuously, and the caveat of being thin with “acceptable looks” are insulting to any woman who has a brain.  Are you honestly suggesting that a man will only be attracted to some waif-y damsel in distress who is showing a lot of skin?

No one has ever been able to accuse me of being thin since I was in high school.  I am in good shape, but my genetics have dictated that I have an hourglass figure, no matter what size I am.  These assets have served me well, but they do not allow me to wear clothing that shows a lot of skin while maintaining any semblance of class or modesty.  There are more women in the US who look like me instead of having a smaller figure, and suggesting that the majority of women are not worthy of dating (or one night stands) is simplistic and again, insulting.

You just have to ask them to have sex with you. Not even that is needed. Approaching a guy is generally seen as a marker of sexual interest, and any experienced guy knows it.

Finally, some assertive advice!  Oh…  Wait…  No…  Tom, have you ever heard the saying, “sometimes a spade is just a spade”?  Well, that can be applied here.  Sometimes, a girl who approaches a guy really does just want to compliment you on your shirt, or ask you a question about that conversation she overheard.

In fact, unless she outright says “yes, I want to have sex with you”, you should probably assume that the conversation at hand is just that, a conversation, not an invitation for sex.  I am actually quite disturbed that you seem to think that a conversation between two people means that sex will happen at some point in the near future.

I am going to break down the remainder of the comment into each sentence.

Finding guys who are right for them is not a problem for most women.

First of all, you seem to have the incorrect assumption that women have an easy time dating.  This is absolutely false.  I spent a year just dating around, with a caveat of no serious relationships.  Although I am a gregarious person with high self-esteem, finding someone, anyone, who didn’t have some serious issues (like being an alcoholic or emotionally constipated) was incredibly difficult.

They just only flirt with people they find attractive.

My main problem with this sentence is when it is viewed in conjunction with your earlier assumption that all interaction is indicative of sexual interest.  Do you honestly think that if a girl talks to you, she is really saying “I want to see you with your clothes off”?  I am a notorious flirt.  I flirt with most of my male friends, but that does not mean that I am attracted to them or want to sleep with them, and they know that, because they don’t have your warped sense of cross-sexual interaction.

Your issue, I presume, is that your attractometer was slightly off and you were either seeking out douchebags or wimps.

I don’t even know where to begin on this one.  I was not asking for advice about my own personal relationships, as I am in a healthy stable relationship.  I was asking how we could move away from girls taking a passive role in expressing sexual interest to girls acting more assertive.

Further, no one has an “attractometer” that automatically filters out people who are not right for you.  I have dated quite a few very attractive men who had some serious issues that were not readily apparent, even after three months of dating.    This goes back to your assumption that women have the easy part in the dating game.

You couldn’t be more wrong about women if you tried.  If you were indeed trying, then bravo, Tom, you are a successful troll.

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