Dear Jezebel, Your New Sex Advice Column is Crap

Jezebel introduced a new columnist yesterday.  Karley Sciortino, aka “slutever” has published her first column, and honestly, I can’t tell if this is satire or not (if it is, it is poorly done), so I’m going to go ahead and write my own answers to the questions posted.

I’m a 26-year-old European exchange student currently studying in the US for five months. I have a (relatively new) boyfriend back home who I’m totally into, and before I left we agreed to be monogamous. But now I have a dilemma: I love Chatroulette, and I usually skip over the random masturbating men, but recently I’ve been fantasizing about not skipping over the dicks and engaging in some hot, anonymous Chatroulette-cybersex. Would that be cheating? I want to think not, but I also realize it’s different than porn — it’s an actual sexual interaction with another human being. My boyfriend and I Skype sometimes, but it hasn’t turned into Skype-sex. And besides, the fantasy is more about the anonymity of it. So: cheating or not-cheating?

–G

While my personal inclination leans towards “not cheating”, your long-distance boyfriend may have a different opinion.  Tell him about your fantasy, G.  Who knows, he might also find the idea hot, and he might try to be the person that you have hot, anonymous Chatroulette-cybersex with!  A supportive partner should try to help you fulfill your fantasies, especially when you are trying to make a long-distance relationship work.

I would caution you to make sure that your face and any other identifying characteristics are hidden from view if you do engage in anonymous cybersex.  Protect yourself, just as you would if you were engaging in real-world sexual activity.  Like some STIs, images on the internet are forever, and can come back to haunt you at the most inopportune times.

Ever since I started having sex I’ve always shaved my vagina without even thinking about it. It may look a bit nicer, but it’s a pain in the ass having to plan ahead and make sure you’re pristinely smooth every time there’s the possibility of sex. I don’t know if I’d like it grown out, but I think I want to try it. But I’m terrified the guy I’m sleeping with will freak out! It’s my body so I can do whatever with it, but should I tell/ask him about it before the experiment begins? Where do you stand on the ‘to shave or not to shave’ debate?

-Reba

Hopefully your partner likes you for more than your pubic hair grooming habits, Reba.  Any guy who actually freaks out at the sight of the perfectly natural hair between your legs has probably not had much experience with women, and may have some maturity issues.  It’s your hair, and while your partner may offer input about his preference, it is ultimately your decision.  Pretty much every partner I’ve had has expressed the opinion that they are fine with pubic hair, but they would like it if I keep the area trimmed.  I bought a $10 trimmer from my local big chain drugstore, and have used that ever since.

Dear Slutever, I am a 26-year-old boy, and though I’m not a virgin, I am terribly inexperienced. I’ve recently started seeing a girl (yay!), however I’ve been having a little ejaculation problem. The problem isn’t that I cum too quickly, but rather that I stay hard all night and can’t ejaculate! It’s no problem for me to get hard, and stay hard, but it just requires too much mentally and physically for me to reach the point of orgasm. Am I not emotionally connecting? Is my problem psychological? Should I find some way to ‘sensitize’ myself?

Yours,
M

I’m interested to find out your masturbation habits, M.  If you are the kind of person who masturbates frequently, you might want to hold off on that until you find that you are able to orgasm more easily.  You and your partner should also try doing more foreplay before penetrative sex.  Kissing, fondling, oral sex, and mutual masturbation are all ways that you can get your motor revving and ready to go before sex, and you may find that the increase in stimulation will make it easier to orgasm during sex.  Just make sure that she also reaches climax!

 

What do you think, readers?  How did I do in comparison to the writer on Jezebel?

Posted on November 16, 2012, in Comments and Replies, Sex Positive and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. OMG!! I didn’t even read through her response before getting pissed. seriously? was this for real?

    “Like as if anyone actually masturbates to the person they’re dating—idiots.” YES, I ACTUALLY DO!!! Sorry if you date someone that the thought of doesn’t turn you on and make you want to masturbate, but I have.

    Thanks for the positive spin, Nice girls!! I hope these readers see your response and ignore the others! geez!!

  2. I liked your responses better. <3 If its a paying job, you would be the more suitable candidate. Nobody gives out useful information anymore. It appears that screaming answers at questions like a 15-year old girl on Ecstasy would do is what people are entertained by. Its moved the shift of the target from helping the person asking the question and educating the readers, to just titillating the audience at the expense of the person sending the questions.

    In regard to satire or poorly done satire:
    I think popular culture has diminished those boundaries between satire and literal presentations. I blame Hipsters for being "ironic" and yet literal in being.

    But you have to wonder if the questions are even real?

    Perhaps the world is just as dumb as the movie Idiocracy portrayed.

    • So, apparently this person actually has made a career out of this. I found her video blog (easy to find if you google “slutever”), and found the entire thing incredibly offensive.

  3. Oh…my god… that was horrible (the Jezebel column). I only read the first reply and I’m sure I would have gagged on the others. I get that she’s trying to be edgy and irreverent, but this borders on negligence and asshattery. This advice could make or break relationships and people.

    In fact, I take great offence at how she’s shaming the first asker for agreeing to monogamy, which in my opinion is just as bad as slut-shaming — it goes both ways, and there should be a mutual respect for everyone’s personal choices in regards to their bodies and the way they choose to use them or not. Monogamy isn’t a jail sentence or death to your vagina because it’s suddenly gone “out of use”. There are lots of ways to deal with long distance monogamous relationships — phone sex, sexting, video chat, masturbation alone or over the phone Most of these are free with modern technology. And while lots of people like to think discount long distance relationships, they can definitely work. You were at my wedding, after all, and I met my wife on Twitter when we lived 2,000 miles apart. ;P

    Of course, this was just one instance of how ridiculous I felt her reply was, and I’m sure the rest were just as bad. I feel sorry for the askers. Your replies were, as always, incredibly insightful, open to the preferences of the asker, and written with much empathy and kindness. Your replies weren’t shaming or questioning the choices the person made in regards to her relationship, and everything an advice column should be.

    I can’t really believe she’s “made a career” out of this. Scary. <3

  4. I also realize that I replied to an old blog post…how did I do this? I have no idea. No need to approve this comment through moderation; I just wanted to apologize. I’m sick and not really at my best today… /facepalm

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